I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
