clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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