i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
