how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
