Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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