Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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