Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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