I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Send help, water and tortillas.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
