Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
