Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
