I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
