ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
