if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
