Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
