Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
