when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
