She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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