I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
