she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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