Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Still dying that you shit outside
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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