so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
