Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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