I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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