can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
