btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
