my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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