I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
