it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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