Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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