he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize