Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
