He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
