If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
