Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
