She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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