I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
