what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
