tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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