The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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