Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
