We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
