but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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