he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
