There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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