you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
