Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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