five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
