Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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