I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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