i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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