my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
