I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
