i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Randomize
