He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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