dude i'm inner monologue high
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
