Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I cannot find my penis.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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