Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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