If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
