he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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