Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
