You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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