NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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