My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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