How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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